In the Beginning

Early in relationships, we experience intense periods of closeness that are important in order to establish a new union. In the beginning, just as a sapling needs a lot more attention than a full-grown tree.  Budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root. Once they become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward. The look to the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy. Yet, if a long-term relationship is to last, we need to continue turning towards one another recurrently.  We need to do this with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturing as we did in the beginning. This is essential.

In our busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships. We think they will tend to themselves. We think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and care if they are to thrive. In a long-term relationship, it is often necessary to get back to basics. We need to come back to center or core of the relationship with each other.

Find the Once Comfortable Vehicle to Re-Connect

You may have been a partner who expressed your love through your ability to share your thoughts. You may have found yourself unable to use that once-comfortable vehicle to connect. You’ve attempted to stay rational, to just put one idea in front of the other and prioritize the outcome. You’ve found yourself mumbling out loud about conflicts and unsolvable problems. Of course, your partner wanted to help. He or she offered suggestions, helpful hints, and support but you are no longer there. Instead you are overwhelmed and stressed. Normally, you would have seen those offers as supportive. Now, you can’t trust any outside interference because it messes up your thinking which is already off balance.

One of the best ways to nourish any relationship is through communication. If you feel that a distance has grown between you and your partner, you may be able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. Do your best to avoid blame and regret. Avoid visiting past negative events and avoid the use of “you” statements. Instead focus on the positive, “I feel this way when that happens.” Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between you has the effect of bringing the relationship into balance. You’re in the same boat together and trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. It is important to express faith and confidence in each other and enjoy a shared vision of your golden years.

Step Up Your Vigilance …. Find the Middle Ground

Hyper-focusing on visual details over a long period of time wears out the psyche. Pretty soon the thing you fear the most will happen. You’ll forget something important and reinforce your need to step up your vigilance. That state of constant anxiety only makes the situation worse. Your partner will either try to anticipate your every move to avoid being stung, or will write you off as an impossible person who just cannot be satisfied. If you once loved that person without getting in your own way, you may actually realize that you’re losing ground and take a good look at your self-destruction.

We have all had the experience of realizing that something in our lives is not working. This knowledge can come as a sudden realization or a nagging feeling of doubt that grows stronger, waking us up to the fact that something needs to change. Some people have a tendency to act rashly and make sweeping changes before even understanding what the problem is. Other people fear change, so they live with the uncomfortable awareness that something needs to shift but won’t do anything about it. Between these two extreme responses lies a middle way that can help you powerfully and gracefully change what isn’t working in your life.

The first step is remembering that your life is made up of parts that belong to an interconnected whole. Changing one thing can change everything. Because of this, small changes often have a big effect. Sometimes much bigger changes are necessary, but the only way to know for sure is to take the time to really understand the problem.

Get on the Same Page …. Make an Intention Statement

When writing an intention statement together in full cooperation, as a couple, you might examine your lives as an entirety–your work, your relationships, where you live.  What you would love to do in your golden years.  And determine what specifically is not functioning the way you would like. Once you have discovered any problems, write them down on a piece of paper. For example, “I am not happy with the relationship” or “I don’t know what to do with my life after retirement.”

The next step is to figure out the adjustment you would like to make and how you can go about making this change. You may want to discuss these issues that you feel make you unhappy and come up with a compromise. Keep in mind however that nothing outside of yourself is responsible for your unhappiness…the change required is usually within. When you discover what makes you feel unhappy, it will point the way to changes that will make you happy.  Writing down these truths can be a powerful catalyst for change.

 Accept the Changes … Release the Past with Grace

The key to making changes that work is to accept the necessity of change as part of life. As you change, you may find it necessary to fine-tune your relationships, work, and future goals and aspirations.  Keep in mind that your lives have energetic footprints, they are living, breathing entities that reflect your dynamic selves. As such when you remain open to change, you find that wonderful benefits result in the most likely ways.

The world is in a constant state of flux, and any established patterns you may have for how you live life, are subject to inevitable change. If you can stay upbeat in the face of these changes, you will realize that you are creating doorways for new realities to come into being.

You can watch with eager anticipation to see what life and the universe has in store for you. Keep your eyes open and be optimistic as changes occur around you today, and you will recognize each change as a blessing and a new opportunity for growth.

When you find yourself going through any kind of change in your life, your natural response may be to tense up on the physical, mental, or emotional level. You may not even notice that you have braced yourself against a shift until you recognize the anxiety, mood swings, or general worried feeling toward the unknown that usually results as you approach your retirement years.

Move Forward with Joyful Anticipation

There are positive ways to move through change without pushing it away or attempting to deny that it is happening. Since change will occur in almost every aspect of our lives, we can learn to make our response to it an affirmative one.  One of anticipation, gentle curiosity, welcoming the new while releasing the past with grace.

One thing we can do is change our perspective by changing the labels we use to identify our feelings or to describe each other. We can reinterpret feelings of anxiety as the anxious butterflies that come with eager expectation and begin to look for the good that is on its way to us. Though we may only be able to imagine the possibilities, when we acknowledge that good is there for us to discover, we can focus our energy on joyful anticipation and bring it into our experience while allowing these feelings to carry us forward.

Sometimes the shift from denial to acceptance is all that is needed to ease our anxiety. It allows us to bring our memories with us as we move through nervousness. Now we can move to joyful excitement about the good to come.

Dedication to the relationship, moderation, compromise and patience are required in order to identify your goals, change and cooperation is required to manifest them.  True love is selfless, without condition or expectation. In loving relationships each helps the other become the best version of themselves.  This allows each individual the freedom to shine.

Blessings, Christina and Dimitrios

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