What seems to be currently setting the bar in our human evolution is our relationships with others. The most prevalent and basic human wound, one we might call “the relationship wound,” is the feeling of not feeling loved or lovable as we are. It is also about not feeling good enough or worthy enough. This is a WOUND of the HEART.

CR: There are many among us who still haven’t been able to heal THE WOUNDS of the HEART in the arena of our more interpersonal relationships. Although most of us are sincerely trying to work at healing our heart wounds; many still tend to sidestep or stifle them to avoid facing our unresolved emotional issues, psychological trauma, and incomplete experiences.

DS: Thank you Christina for bringing up this important subject on wounds. As we explain in our book, “The Mind Is the Map”, During life, we are all touched by many experiences, even where we did not realize we were touched. By the time we are adults, we have so many old wounds from these unresolved experiences that many of our responses are automatically negative. These painful experiences remain in our memories and return to play out when we get triggered.

The question is, how do we move beyond the wounds?

CR: Dimitri, the wounds of the heart are psychological wounds that remain with us in our relationships with others until they are healed. It is in our closest relationships that we are triggered by our unresolved wounds. And it’s in our most intimate relationships that this same stimulus that comes up again and again for us to heal. The truth is we cannot rise above the raw and messy side of our humanness without having fully faced and made peace with them.

DS: Indeed, living our wounds instead of thinking them through is the way to go. Struggling with our feelings and emotions by applying logic and reason will not be helpful once the mind has been hijacked. The challenge is that from the point of noticing the trigger, and before the emotions become overwhelming, we have only a few seconds to step into heart. It is the mind that gets triggered not the heart. The truth is the heart only knows love.

CR: YES. Trying to move beyond the wounds of our heart by pushing them aside sets up a definite split in our conscious and subconscious mind. We find ourselves consistently in conflict with ourselves because the two minds are incongruous. We are setting up a mind set that is constantly fluctuating up and down like a seesaw, one thought or feeling is elevated at the expense of the opposite. An example of this would be detachment over our feelings about love. If this is our pattern then one might be dismissing a need for love which then becomes unconsciously acted out in ways that are harmful to self and others.

To move beyond the wounds, they need to be healed. One of the first steps would be to let go of the mind’s need to stay in control of our pain and trust in the healing power of the heart.

DS: Thank you Christina. Knowing ourselves, thoughts and feelings behind the primary emotion of the wound is primary. Could you also provide a step by step approach as to how we can heal our wounds?

CR: Certainly. Here are five simple steps that pave the way to heal our heart wounds.

Step 1.

We must have peace in our hearts for our health, well-being, and capacity to function effectively in the world. Discover why you feel the Wound of the Heart. Where did it come from? Is it true for me? Is it aligned with my beliefs? What does my heart say? What would love do right now?

Step 2.

To grow into a healthy human being, we need close emotional ties to other people. Start by writing in a journal about your experience. Connect with others and discuss openly about your journal and your feelings. Share your experiences and ask others to share with you their experiences.

Step 3.

In your relationships, practice courage, personal honesty, vulnerability and the willingness to express what you are really feeling. Drop all the “you” statements, such as, “you make me feel….” Our feelings are never about the other. Our feelings come from our thoughts and we are the only one in our mind! Instead, express your feelings using “I” statements, such as, “I feel this when that happens…”

Step 4.

Bring awareness to your experience, and learn to take your feelings to your heart, let go of the mind chatter. It is in the heart space where we are able to see different perspectives and untangle and heal our Heart Wounds.

Step 5.

As a result, we can put an end to the fight and flight behavior. We will find that we’re able to be present in places where we’ve been absent or disconnected from our relationship experiences.

… Love and Light, Christina and Dimitri