Within each of us there is a quiet inner presence, a gentle encouraging, and empowering voice that always guides you. There is however, another voice within each of us, a louder one that is often a critical voice, complete with unrelenting frustration, impracticality and unrealistic hope. Don’t get them confused.

We all have experiences with the unseen enemy within. We might feel depressed, self-loathing, self-rejection, lack of confidence or motivation. These are all by-products of our inner villain and they are the root cause of our own failures and downfalls.

The critical voice often defeats you before you start, it is poised and ready to rob you of any credit for anything you do. It makes you afraid of trying anything new because you fear the loathing and regret that will follow. The solution is to become aware of this monster, understand its motives and manipulations and transform its demoralizing voice.

 Self Criticism is NOT a Motivator.

Your negative thoughts about yourself are most frequently so automatic that you don’t even pay attention to what the inner voice is saying. You have become so used to the voice that you become accustomed to its negativity. To change anything, we must first understand and accept. Try to observe what the voice is saying, write it down, and then see if there is a pattern.

Become aware of when you reduce yourself to all-or-nothing terms, or when you label yourself in ways that are unrealistic and inaccurate. Soon, you will find that self-criticism is not a motivator. In fact, if self-criticism worked, then when you do get things done would you hate yourself? NO, you would not!

Here’s an example in my own life. Anytime I hear my inner voice say something like “I should” I know right away it is my critic. I used to “should myself” to death every day until I defeated it. I decided to reality test the should, was it real for me, in other words did I believe it.  Was it someone else’s should, perhaps even a cultural or society should?  Next I asked myself if it was a reasonable should, for example, would I use this should when speaking to others that I loved. I concluded that should was always someone else’s writing on my wall.  It was unreliable, unreasonable, distorted and not based on facts.  Become aware of what the critical voice is saying and Stop listening to the SHOULD!

 Your Experiences are NOT Personal

Your inner critic is always rallying against you. It is your ego defending what it thinks is its territory. We often feel worse when we listen to the voice and agree with it or think that it is all our fault. But, if we look at our experiences more rationally, we realize that there are a lot of other players in our stories. We might even realize that we are being more severe with ourselves than we would be with others. Do you really see others more positively than you see yourself? If so, try imagining something different, think different thoughts and be kinder to yourself. For example, if someone does not like what you say or do, it might be something that has to do with them and not you.

Imagine if you thought of yourself struggling and dealing with difficulties, that you deserve support, love and compassion. Now give this to yourself. Self-rewarding is very powerful gift to yourself. Rather than focusing on what is wrong in your experiences, try making a list of five things that are working right now. They might be simple things like going to work each day, helping a friend or neighbor, eating healthy, exercising and anything that you do towards making an effort to be kinder to yourself.

 Manage Your Expectations

Its positive to set realistic goals for yourself, but focus only on the ones you can control. Understand that you cannot control or force an outcome for thing outside of your own power to do so. Look forward realistically, don’t expect much and be content with what you do accomplish.

Expecting others to act in a certain way, can be devastating.  For example, when you want the other to love you unconditionally, or you expect your boss to reward you in a certain way or you expect your favorite soccer team to win the cup, you are mismanaging your expectations. You have very little control over the events external to your being. Stop creating unpleasant and unfulfilled experiences, they only result in negative emotions when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to.

Life is But a Learning Curve

Do you go around in life listening to a negative voice that say’s things like, “I should succeed at everything I do? If I don’t succeed then I’m a failure? Nothing works out for me? I’m useless, unlovable, or it’s all my fault.”  If thoughts like this are familiar to you, then you are doing a great job at making your life miserable. It does not have to be this way. You don’t have to be your own worst enemy!

It is good to remember that there are no mistakes in life, only experiences. Your experiences are opportunities to learn and grow. Rather than criticizing yourself, see your mistakes as information, as a catalyst for growth. There is no need to evaluate yourself. Instead, consider observing yourself and then accepting yourself. This means accepting yourself and where you are in life right now without judgement. You are not the voice in your head; indeed, you are so much more!  Freeing yourself from the inner critic, allows you to keep depression and anxiety at bay, freeing you from the burden that you are putting upon yourself.

Life is as it is!  No more no less. Embrace your humanness and that of others. View your experiences from the perspective that you are here to learn lessons, and to understand the nature of all things. Your Divine purpose is to evolve into higher levels of consciousness. Relax, live life lightly, nothing else is really that important.

Blessings and love on your journey, Christina

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