“Many arguments, especially with people we love, are birthed from simple misunderstandings that are blown out of proportion. If you really want to understand someone, free yourself from your ego.”

Arguments are a Breeding Ground for Discontent

Our day to day human interactions rely upon our ability to see things clearly, however we all see things from our own unique perspective! Therefore, we get triggered when someone disagrees with us and we often come to inaccurate conclusions about the others. Of course, this is when we find ourselves in a breeding ground for discontent. We become entangled in arguments.

Everyday we make judgments about the people around us. Often without conscious deliberation, we quickly make observations that lead to exaggerated assumptions about their thoughts, desires and behaviors. Many times, these assumptions are projections based upon our own beliefs. In reality, what we most often assume comes from the way we see things and has nothing to do with the other!

See Arguments as Opportunities

When faced with differences of opinion there are also many opportunities for personal growth. Arguments are often indicators that something within you needs to change. They are opportunities for you to develop a better understanding of yourself. In a way, these are gifts that allow you to improve your capacity to better understand your thoughts and feelings and those of others.

Getting to know yourself more fully is about the journey within. To face your own true self, you may need to overcome inner resistance. For example, what inner part of you came forward while listening to others? Was it your inner critic, your protector, your fearful self? The more you recognized the internal aspects of your self, the better you become in understanding the intentions, motivations and beliefs of other people.

Understanding other people is a tall order because we are all different. But that’s what makes life worthwhile! Our time on this planet would be mundane if we all had the same personalities, desires, values, and beliefs. And yet, even with our differences, we all want the same things out of life: happiness, purpose, fulfillment.

Honor Your Personal Boundaries.

We all have limits and personal boundaries, some of these boundaries can be considered “deal breakers.” Of course, there will be times when values clash, and you won’t be able to appreciate the person for who they are. For example: if someone engages in self-destructive behavior such as drugs, crime, and racism, then you should not appreciate their conduct. Use your discernment, sometimes it’s okay to walk away and continue travelling down your own path.

4 Ways to Shift from Misunderstandings to Shared Contentment

In most cases, by following this path, the misunderstandings and eventually arrive at a place of shared contentment. We must avoid acting on impulse, and we must instead work through the four stages of understanding others.

1. Understanding the Needs of Others.

Remain present and calm. You needn’t get on the same page right way; you need only understand you both have your reasons for being on separate pages. By tolerating someone’s quirks, you are allowing them to live happily within their own worldview. You may not understand their needs and desires but at least you will be on a path toward understanding that person and that’s a big first step.

2. Embracing the Differences

To truly live in concert with others, you must move quickly toward acceptance. Make a concerted effort to at least tolerate the other person’s quirks; it is easier to accept who they are as a whole person. Understand that while you may not like a particular behavior, you still love the entire person.

3. Accepting is not Just Tolerating.

Sometimes, truly accepting the others idiosyncrasies is difficult, but not nearly as challenging as respecting that person because of the differences. We are all on our individual journeys and we need to honor not only ours, but the journey of everyone we love. When we appreciate others for who they are, not whom we want them to be, then, and only then, will we understand.

 4. Respect for Self and Others

When other people don’t agree with you, or when they don’t understand you, you still want them to respect you, right? So why not extend that same respect to the people you love? With respect, understanding is not only possible but highly probable.

Happiness is contagious, but only after you get past the arguments. You must get past the stages of tolerance, acceptance, and respect, and honestly appreciate the other person’s desires, values, and beliefs. Many of us navigate different roads toward happiness. If you choose to travel this path, all your relationships will flourish.  You will experience a richness of experience that wasn’t possible without a deep understanding of both yourself and the others in your life.

…. Love and Light, Christina

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