The Ability to Effective Communication is Lacking

To be clear, we have not been educated in how to communicate openly and honestly. An “I” message is a form of communication in which we effectively express to someone what is happening inside of us. In this way we help the other to understand us and our feelings, needs, thoughts and actions.

We often communicate with others making “you” statements.  For example, we accuse the other of being wrong, evil or unacceptable. When we do this, he feels hurt, rejected, endangered and angry. Thus, we put him on the defensive. Most often, his habitual reaction is that he stops hearing what we are saying. He feels the need to protect himself. It’s very unlikely, that when we communicate with someone in this way, we able to create an open, loving, supporting relationship.

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“Many arguments, especially with people we love, are birthed from simple misunderstandings that are blown out of proportion. If you really want to understand someone, free yourself from your ego.”

Arguments are a Breeding Ground for Discontent

Our day to day human interactions rely upon our ability to see things clearly, however we all see things from our own unique perspective! Therefore, we get triggered when someone disagrees with us and we often come to inaccurate conclusions about the others. Of course, this is when we find ourselves in a breeding ground for discontent. We become entangled in arguments.

Everyday we make judgments about the people around us. Often without conscious deliberation, we quickly make observations that lead to exaggerated assumptions about their thoughts, desires and behaviors. Many times, these assumptions are projections based upon our own beliefs. In reality, what we most often assume comes from the way we see things and has nothing to do with the other!

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Corinthians 13

“If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing…….. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Let us listen to the words of Eric Pevernagie: “Love can crystallize things. When love is in the air, distressing rain can become a wonderful avalanche of shimmering diamonds. Raindrops are transformed into a flood of sparkling crystal pearls. The power of love can convert rain into a multitude of glittering prisms. The mental seduction of love and a boundless illusion, inflamed by a profound uprising emotion, can change any ordinary incident into a radiant, luminous voyage.”

DS: For some time now, and like many others, I have been pondering on the meaning of love and although love is not easy to define, it is our biggest and greatest investment on Earth. Our desire to love and be loved is deeply imprinted within us. The only way to experience love, is by loving one’s self. This is what is known as “becoming love.” It is about keeping our hearts open for loving others and life itself. Christina, during some difficult moments, I have heard you say, “What would love do now?” And my question to you is, “Why Choose love and how does it benefit each situation?”

Choosing Love

CR: Conscious love is the highest quality of love. It is a level of love whereby you have found that sacred place you speak of within yourself and then you become this love. You are a statement of that love and every action is not consciously designed to assert your love by saying you love everyone and everyone must love you. You have become love and have no need for anyone to love you.

You will experience a feeling of being in tune with the Universe energy of love. Look at it this way, you are not actively loving, but you are “in” love; living within the space of conscious love, which is Christ love. For me that’s what love is all about. To become this higher love, you will need to shift within you whatever it is that keeps you from being love.

Dimitri, yes, I have learned to ask this question, “What would love do now?” whenever I feel blindsided by an experience I was not expecting or confused as to how to respond. Choosing this one action allows love to mature emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It enables us to achieve higher levels of consciousness, spiritual perception and energy. It allows love an open space to express itself, and gives us the energy to free ourselves from attachments and habits that obstruct our energy and love. I have found that rather than being reactive, this one choice also seems to inspire others to do the same. It brings us peace, because we experience harmony with our conscience and highest ideals. We feel good about ourselves and our lives. It makes us wiser and stronger on all levels.

Experiencing Love

DS: I totally agree with you dear friend. Choosing conscious love begins by loving ourselves. If you want to achieve it, just try to be right here, open, honest, straight. Take everything that happens to you and use it in relation to your awakening to LOVE. And when you go about your day, take in the feelings in your body, the lights, the walking on the cement, the water, or whatever is around you take it all in, in love. There is no need to worship the feelings of love and no need to run from them either. Acknowledge them, allow them, they are all a part of the dance.

I remember a number of experiences that brought me closer to the essence of conscious love.

A couple of years ago I was dealing with some major challenges and during that time I found myself surrounded by the beauty and magnificence of a Lake. While reflecting on the lakes water and surroundings, I felt a deep need towards loving, accepting myself and my inner feelings, forgiving my past actions and moving forward.

A few years later, I recall a second heartfelt memory that remains forever engraved in my heart. Again, it was next to a lake that I experienced a deeper sense of love’s presence. I started to live in a vibrational field of true love that was flowing permeating everything. It felt like a different state of being…  beyond the mind, from heart to soul. My love was no longer contained within me but begun to flow out and change the immediate environment, the cosmos and the Universe. This experience opened me up to Universal Conscious Love and gave me the opportunity for further growth. It was a moment full of fascination, enthusiasm, passion and the energy of love that became an experience of complete freedom, fulfillment and abundance.

The Power is to Love with Intelligence

CR: Yes, my friend, this is a great topic to explore, thanks for bringing it on! This higher love you speak of can only flow from wisdom and strength. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in life – and one I wished I had learned in my twenties or thirties is that Love is an emotion and Wisdom is the antithesis of emotion. Whereas love can be foolish and blind, wisdom is intelligent, clear-eyed, and directed. Love simply happens; but wisdom is gained through experiences that lead us to a much deeper understanding of love.

When love is guided by knowledge, we are not led down blind alleys by emotion.  Wisdom and love could not be farther apart, which means they cannot be one in the same.  The fact is that love and wisdom are related – very closely related. The heart can and does inform logic. It can make us wiser. It is our refusal to let our emotions run wild. We can create peace in our lives regardless of what’s happening in our experiences.  Simply loving for loves sake our lives become much more peaceful and rewarding.

DS: I agree! Love has everything in life and we need to get this right. We need to realize that love is the most powerful thing that we have. By cultivating the higher energy of love, we can change any experience. Imagine that Love creates a vortex of purpose that allows positive energy to flow to everyone. The reality is, we’re here to grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something’s gone wrong. Because it has. Without growth, we aren’t fulfilling our soul’s purpose.

Love is a practice of acceptance, being in the present moment and reaching out into vulnerable territory. What it is NOT is a destination. I see it as a journey, an exploration. Christina, my response to the question of “What would love do now?”, is that the answer will be different every time and because of this we will all grow in ways we never have before.

Love thrives within its own space. The magic of living and loving is found in our own garden of love. This sacred place gives birth to our own perfect nature and becomes an embodiment of love. The path of Love leads you from the outer vision of physical beauty toward the inner vision of expanded, contemplative insight. It conquers, endures, becomes boundless. Love’s transcendent power raises our soul to divine awareness. I consider love to be the offspring of spiritual affinity and our heart’s true commitment to the Universe.

There is nothing higher, nothing more beautiful, than love and it is worth all sacrifices and illusions. LOVE allows us to experience our higher self. No amount of knowledge, wisdom or discipline opens the door to higher levels of consciousness, peace and happiness as easily as love.

Blessings of love, Christina and Dimitri

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“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.” … Ralph Marston

Not Feeling Appreciated?

We all experience times in our life when we do not feel appreciated. Have you ever wondered why we all like to be appreciated? What is it about appreciation that creates value in our life?

William James, well-known psychologist and philosopher, said,

 “The deepest principle of human nature is a craving to be appreciated.”  If we are honest with ourselves, we all want and need to feel valued for who we are and recognized for our contributions and accomplishments.”

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“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won’t happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.”    -Joel Olsen

There is Writing on Your Wall

Our mind is a wonderful tool for thinking, but it also has a vulnerable area known us as the inner critic. Your inner critic gets its voice from something we call the writing on our walls. This writing is from your early childhood experiences. This is true for everyone! You must remember that those who wrote on your wall have also have been programmed down through generations. The others are only able to share with you what they believe, even if they are not your truths. Therefore, there is no Shame of Blame here!

Many of our previous childhood experiences are the roots of our pain and insecurities. They often create feelings of fear, threatening our peace and happiness. Or we feel inadequate, and this social anxiety influences our relationships, quality of life, work, effectiveness and well-being.

Any emotions you had at the time of the event, including any childhood conclusions you came to, are bundled and stored with your original memory of the experience. The mind consults the writing on your walls for every single experience you have in life. The mind looks for a matching template from long ago and you respond to life habitually based on these false past messages, and often without your awareness.

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“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity.”…Brené Brown

Love is vulnerability. Happiness is vulnerability. The risk of being vulnerable is the price of opening yourself to beauty and opportunity. Vulnerability became one of my greatest strengths in life; being vulnerable is not about showing the parts of you that are polished; it’s about revealing the unpolished parts you would rather keep hidden from the world.

“It’s about looking out into the world with an honest, open heart and saying, “this is me. Take me or leave me.” …. Unknown

We are all vulnerable, no matter how we much we try to hide it or avoid it. In one way or another we try to conceal our emotional sensitivity and fragility and avoid showing our weaknesses or our emotional wounds to others.

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In the Beginning

Early in relationships, we experience intense periods of closeness that are important in order to establish a new union. In the beginning, just as a sapling needs a lot more attention than a full-grown tree.  Budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root. Once they become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn their attention outward. The look to the other parts of their lives that matter, such as work, family, and friendships. This is natural and healthy. Yet, if a long-term relationship is to last, we need to continue turning towards one another recurrently.  We need to do this with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturing as we did in the beginning. This is essential.

In our busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships. We think they will tend to themselves. We think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night. Yet somehow, life gets in the way. We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention. Yet even mature trees need water and care if they are to thrive. In a long-term relationship, it is often necessary to get back to basics. We need to come back to center or core of the relationship with each other.

Find the Once Comfortable Vehicle to Re-Connect

You may have been a partner who expressed your love through your ability to share your thoughts. You may have found yourself unable to use that once-comfortable vehicle to connect. You’ve attempted to stay rational, to just put one idea in front of the other and prioritize the outcome. You’ve found yourself mumbling out loud about conflicts and unsolvable problems. Of course, your partner wanted to help. He or she offered suggestions, helpful hints, and support but you are no longer there. Instead you are overwhelmed and stressed. Normally, you would have seen those offers as supportive. Now, you can’t trust any outside interference because it messes up your thinking which is already off balance.

One of the best ways to nourish any relationship is through communication. If you feel that a distance has grown between you and your partner, you may be able to bridge the gap by sharing how you feel. Do your best to avoid blame and regret. Avoid visiting past negative events and avoid the use of “you” statements. Instead focus on the positive, “I feel this way when that happens.” Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between you has the effect of bringing the relationship into balance. You’re in the same boat together and trying to maintain the right balance of space and togetherness to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. It is important to express faith and confidence in each other and enjoy a shared vision of your golden years.

Step Up Your Vigilance …. Find the Middle Ground

Hyper-focusing on visual details over a long period of time wears out the psyche. Pretty soon the thing you fear the most will happen. You’ll forget something important and reinforce your need to step up your vigilance. That state of constant anxiety only makes the situation worse. Your partner will either try to anticipate your every move to avoid being stung, or will write you off as an impossible person who just cannot be satisfied. If you once loved that person without getting in your own way, you may actually realize that you’re losing ground and take a good look at your self-destruction.

We have all had the experience of realizing that something in our lives is not working. This knowledge can come as a sudden realization or a nagging feeling of doubt that grows stronger, waking us up to the fact that something needs to change. Some people have a tendency to act rashly and make sweeping changes before even understanding what the problem is. Other people fear change, so they live with the uncomfortable awareness that something needs to shift but won’t do anything about it. Between these two extreme responses lies a middle way that can help you powerfully and gracefully change what isn’t working in your life.

The first step is remembering that your life is made up of parts that belong to an interconnected whole. Changing one thing can change everything. Because of this, small changes often have a big effect. Sometimes much bigger changes are necessary, but the only way to know for sure is to take the time to really understand the problem.

Get on the Same Page …. Make an Intention Statement

When writing an intention statement together in full cooperation, as a couple, you might examine your lives as an entirety–your work, your relationships, where you live.  What you would love to do in your golden years.  And determine what specifically is not functioning the way you would like. Once you have discovered any problems, write them down on a piece of paper. For example, “I am not happy with the relationship” or “I don’t know what to do with my life after retirement.”

The next step is to figure out the adjustment you would like to make and how you can go about making this change. You may want to discuss these issues that you feel make you unhappy and come up with a compromise. Keep in mind however that nothing outside of yourself is responsible for your unhappiness…the change required is usually within. When you discover what makes you feel unhappy, it will point the way to changes that will make you happy.  Writing down these truths can be a powerful catalyst for change.

 Accept the Changes … Release the Past with Grace

The key to making changes that work is to accept the necessity of change as part of life. As you change, you may find it necessary to fine-tune your relationships, work, and future goals and aspirations.  Keep in mind that your lives have energetic footprints, they are living, breathing entities that reflect your dynamic selves. As such when you remain open to change, you find that wonderful benefits result in the most likely ways.

The world is in a constant state of flux, and any established patterns you may have for how you live life, are subject to inevitable change. If you can stay upbeat in the face of these changes, you will realize that you are creating doorways for new realities to come into being.

You can watch with eager anticipation to see what life and the universe has in store for you. Keep your eyes open and be optimistic as changes occur around you today, and you will recognize each change as a blessing and a new opportunity for growth.

When you find yourself going through any kind of change in your life, your natural response may be to tense up on the physical, mental, or emotional level. You may not even notice that you have braced yourself against a shift until you recognize the anxiety, mood swings, or general worried feeling toward the unknown that usually results as you approach your retirement years.

Move Forward with Joyful Anticipation

There are positive ways to move through change without pushing it away or attempting to deny that it is happening. Since change will occur in almost every aspect of our lives, we can learn to make our response to it an affirmative one.  One of anticipation, gentle curiosity, welcoming the new while releasing the past with grace.

One thing we can do is change our perspective by changing the labels we use to identify our feelings or to describe each other. We can reinterpret feelings of anxiety as the anxious butterflies that come with eager expectation and begin to look for the good that is on its way to us. Though we may only be able to imagine the possibilities, when we acknowledge that good is there for us to discover, we can focus our energy on joyful anticipation and bring it into our experience while allowing these feelings to carry us forward.

Sometimes the shift from denial to acceptance is all that is needed to ease our anxiety. It allows us to bring our memories with us as we move through nervousness. Now we can move to joyful excitement about the good to come.

Dedication to the relationship, moderation, compromise and patience are required in order to identify your goals, change and cooperation is required to manifest them.  True love is selfless, without condition or expectation. In loving relationships each helps the other become the best version of themselves.  This allows each individual the freedom to shine.

Blessings, Christina and Dimitrios

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
… 1 Corinthians 13 4-8

Love with Enthusiasm and Fascination

When you are able to love at the deepest and yet the higher levels, this love creates an atmosphere of energy that can transform your life.  Extraordinary amounts of love begin to flow to you, through you and outward towards others around you. You become this love; a source of holy love that conquers and becomes boundless. You will find that this love is like a beautiful colorful painting. The work of art depicts the essence of Peace, Joy and Abundance creating a sacred space. A place where love and beauty thrive and opens hearts to the splendor and mystery of true love.

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“True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep. It looks beyond mere externals and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding.”  … Ellen G. White

Devotion and Love go hand in hand. When it comes to truly loving someone, devotion becomes our dedication towards their good. We wholeheartedly give our attention to this individual and in all levels of our being. We begin to live in continuous moments of awakening, guided by the virtues of devotion, balance, selflessness, equanimity and love.

We can determine what is important from superficial, what is true from the false and just like a bird that has developed wings of perfection, we create a space that Love has no purpose but to fulfill itself.

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“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” 
-Sophia Loren

“Remember that there are two kinds of beauty: one of the souls and the other of the body. That of the soul displays its radiance in intelligence, in chastity, in good conduct, in generosity, and in good breeding.” 
― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Some people say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, an experience of something held inside of us as beautiful. Others say that beauty is something or someone that appeals to the eyes or the heart. Yet there are others, like Christina and I, that believe that something is beautiful because of its relationship with the environment. The way it forms or unfolds itself among its surrounding elements just like a radiant rose or a sunset.

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