This is for most people one of the biggest goals in life: to find happiness.  Sounds simple in theory, but it’s something so many struggle to do throughout life.  Many search for happiness from outside:  material things, vices, anything to temporarily fill the void they feel.  What the truly enlightened among us know, is that the only way to fill the void within, is to focus on developing what’s inside.

People often reject difficult feelings—and even blame themselves for feeling something “less” than bliss. Here is just one example: “I SHOULD be blissfully happy, but I’m not. Any statement that begins with should” originates with the Writing on Our Walls. That mismatched thought, between expectation and reality, is one of the main causes of unhappiness. In fact, sometimes we increase our unhappiness by rejecting our own real, useful feelings of worry and discontent, attempting to replace “real” with “pleasant.”

We’re “Supposed to be Happy”

I suspect that many of us fall into this trap—and in trying to be so, we push aside feelings that seem contrary to bliss. We suppress the uncomfortable feelings, thinking that will make room for happiness. But when we suppress any feeling, we suppress all feelings. Instead of increasing happiness by rejecting those “negative” feelings, we just create numbness. It is this emotional favoritism that makes it extremely difficult to move forward. Emotions serve to signal opportunity and threat, and at the core, they are necessary to alert us and we use this emotional data to solve emotional problems.

Unhappiness is a Powerful and Common Pattern

We say we are unhappy simply because we lose the ability to know and express what we really feel, and this becomes a major obstacle in our quest for happiness and our exchange of love. When cut off from our feelings, we are also cutting others off from important parts of our being. Some of us become unhappy when we do not know what we really feel, and we often confront others with the wrong emotions, which confuse and create unnecessary conflicts. Other times, we are afraid to express what we feel for fear of losing love or respect from others. In such cases, the Writing on our Walls has conditioned us to remain silent, having programmed us to feel that we lack self-worth or self-confidence.

The Difference Between our Happiness and Our Suffering

It’s our acceptance or rejection of this moment and what is arising in this moment that causes us to be unhappy. Imagine how different and happier our life would be if we simply accept what is happening in each moment exactly as it is without wishing it would change in any way. Each moment cannot be other than what it is. Wishing it were different does absolutely nothing but make us suffer.

 Embrace Reality in the Present Moment

No matter what it is or how it appears to be, by participating fully in life, welcoming our human idiosyncrasies, welcoming the fear as well as the safety, the sorrow as well as bliss; even the shame as well as pride, and by using all of our emotions as advisors and signals, we will find ourselves on an adventure to live life fully. In the end, unhappiness will seem like a phantom, something barely remembered. We will no longer limit ourselves to the pursuit of happiness. We will become the happiness we have been seeking.

HELPFUL HINTS to HAPPINESS

When we are unhappy, we often feel conflicted within. This conflict represents inconsistencies between what we think in the mind and what our heart knows. The questions below are not always easy to answer, and many beginners to the process of self-discovery feel frustrated. My suggestion is to try turning this frustration into genuine curiosity about getting to know yourself and others on a deeper level. Play with the mystery and wonder of all that is.

Step 1: Ask yourself the following:

What makes me happy?What makes me unhappy?

What is it that is actually bothering me, triggering my unhappiness?

What do I feel? What are the emotions that I feel at this moment?

Step 2: Begin a journal

Write about your experience with happiness. About a moment in time when you felt happy.  Include what you feel might have contributed to your happiness and describe the emotions you felt.

Next write about your experience with unhappiness. Try and determine what you might have felt that caused or contributed to that experience and try to identify all the emotions you felt. Be prepared not to have either all the questions or answers—remain open.

Step 3: Share your experience with Happiness

Start a conversation with a friend or loved one sharing your experiences of both happiness and unhappiness and your insights from your journaling. Actively listen while encouraging the other person to tell their story of where they are on the happiness scale and why. Reflecting with your friend or partner, on both stories, discuss any missed opportunities to feeling profound happiness. Discuss how needs, attachments, or beliefs might have interfered with that happiness.

Step 4: Are you in touch with what happiness means to you?

Ask yourself daily if you are feeling happy? If not, why not? We want to get more specific when describing our happiness by using words that accurately describe our happiness. List all the experiences you’ve had that contributed to your current state of happiness.

Step 5: Celebrate the Milestones

Take a moment to feel into your happiness and feel your gratitude. We celebrate these milestones by recognizing them and slowing down to take a moment to feel into them. Reality test them for what is true for you instead of simply answering with an automatic habitual response.

Love and Light… Christina

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